Blitzwing Bop

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"Blitzwing Bop"
Publisher	Fun Publications
First published	November 17, 2009
Written by	Trent Troop and Greg Sepelak
Illustrations by	Chad Porter
Cover	Chad Porter
Continuity	Shattered Glass
Page count	35pp

Blitzwing inadvertently becomes a musical countdown, and not the kind that sounds like Bluestreak.

Synopsis

The media of Earth are abuzz with news of the arrival of two crews of Cybertronians, the press trying to figure out what to make of the fantastic extraterrestrial visitors, and especially the heroic deeds of the Decepticons. Beyond the planet, a single vessel catches the transmissions and diverts its course towards the blue orb.

Meanwhile on the planet's surface, a young human is speaking with a Decepticon. Making small talk as he works inside Blitzwing, Will satisfies his curiosity by asking the Triple Changer of his homeworld. Blitzwing is less than enthusiastic to relate about his war-torn home, which leaves Will somewhat nonplussed. The human's descriptions of organic life prove far more compelling to the Cybertronian, who is eager to see more. Unfortunately, Will hasn't finished his ministrations on Blitzwing's systems, and thus he holds the Decepticon back a few more moments as he completes the last connections. Closing the casing, Will reveals that he has wired his new friend for sound by integrating an O-Pod into Blitzwing's circuits. The Cybertronian is a bit bewildered by what the organics call "music" and scoffs at the device's meager storage capacity. Will initially tries to convince Blitzwing of the merits of music in promoting higher ideals, but is quickly distracted by the prospect of a ride in the Decepticon's alternate modes. The two of them exit the base to cruise for a bit.

Elsewhere, Goldbug is overseeing a project of his own. Having played off of the mentally erratic scientist Wheeljack's ego, he has convinced his fellow Autobot to construct an ambitious Stellar Spanner with the help of Side Burn. Though Wheeljack is madly certain of the accuracy of his calculations, the probability of error given to Goldbug leaves something to be desired. Suggesting that Side Burn take the first trip (in the name of science), Goldbug's scheming is outmaneuvered by the slippery Autobot's reminder that he will be needed to fix the device in the event of failure, and Side Burn's subsequent suggestion that they send a Scrounge in his stead. This makes Goldbug exceedingly nervous, as he does not wish to alert Rodimus to the Spanner's existence.

During their travels, Will and Blitzwing's discussion of Earth music is interrupted by a sudden spike on the Decepticon's scanners. A major convergence of Autobot technology is lighting up the dials, which is an oddity, considering their habit of masking their signals. Blitzwing plays to type and heads straight for it, but calls for backup at Will's insistence. The Decepticons are thin on the ground in the area due to the task of excavating Astrotrain, but thankfully, Heatwave is inbound.

Taking up positions around the Autobot build site, Will and Blitzwing spot Heatwave already observing the construction. Though the Triple Changer doesn't recognize what is being built, Heatwave quickly identifies its intent and explains to the other two. Grasping the implications of a working Stellar Spanner, Blitzwing decides he doesn't like leaving it up to chance whether Wheeljack will succeed in his project. Heatwave agrees and moves to intervene well before his fellow Decepticon manages to call in the intended backup.

Heatwave manages to blast Side Burn almost in half with missiles, but Wheeljack and Goldbug overpower him and force him to transform to robot mode before binding him. They place him in the Spanner, though he is still able to give Wheeljack a solid kick, and the scientist's demeanor is not improved when moments later he's punched and thrown to the ground by Blitzwing. Blitzwing follows that up by headbutting Goldbug into unconsciousness and attempting to shut down the Spanner before it activates. He downloads the Spanner's schematics and is about to transmit the cancellation codes when Wheeljack hits him with an electro-shell, having feigned unconsciousness. As Heatwave is sucked into the open Spanner rift, Wheeljack takes a moment to gloat, however just then something clicks on inside Blitzwing and he begins broadcasting Earth music on the Autobot emergency comms frequency. Goldbug and Wheeljack are confused by the noise, as is Side Burn, who despite the horrific damage Goldbug saw him take, is perfectly fine. With the Decepticon reinforcements finally inbound, Goldbug blasts the Spanner and the trio make their escape.

Blitzwing comes around in the medical bay, and tells Soundwave that Heatwave's been shot into space. Blitzwing just wants the music to stop, the O-Pod being stuck on permanently. Starscream explains that their Cybertronian physiology automatically converts foreign technology so it's compatible with their systems. Now Blitzwing's O-Pod will make the perfect non-terminal weapon against the Autobots.

Rodimus Prime is very unhappy that Goldbug has decided to build a Spanner behind his back, pointing out that it would be likely to bring Optimus Prime down on their backs. Unfortunately the AR Chamber is broken, so instead Rodimus places Goldbug on salvage duty with Seaspray. He has another couple of jobs in mind for Elita-One and Blaster.

Elsewhere, Swoop and Star Saber have taken control of a human built tower with a restaurant at the top, which they're using to drill for oil. Swoop assures the humans that they're all safe because he needs them as hostages, though a moment later the tower lurched, and Swoop told the complaining Star Saber to go check the supports. Starscream, Blitzwing and Slugslinger approach the tower and draw out the two Autobots. The pair are thrown into confusion when Blitzwing begins broadcasting, and flee. Starscream and Slugslinger debate whether or not it's a fair weapon, before Blitzwing points out he'd quite like a hand holding the tower up.

Sideswipe, Blitzwing and Bombshell next tackle a Roll-N-Wash station, which the Autobots have set up to convert the cars of unsuspecting humans into drone-cars that do their bidding. While Sideswipe merrily breaks cars, Blitzwing and Bombshell tackle Brawn. Blitzwing distracts the Autobot with his music and Bombshell renders him out-cold with an anestho-shell. This done, Bombshell goes to aid Sideswipe, while Blitzwing pursues Elita-One into the car wash. Though he wrecks the car wash, she manages to get the drop on him, until the song in his head changes and she's unable to concentrate. An explosion from the other two Decepticons results in her speeding away, but as the Decepticons celebrate their victory, they realize that Blitzwing is now broadcasting on the Decepticon frequency too.

Back at base, Starscream is surprised that Soundwave's handling the interference so well, but Professor Arkeville believes it's because he's a communications device and better at filtering such things. Unfortunately, the others aren't so lucky, and Arkeville believes the music will begin to damage their systems unless it can be shut off. Soundwave goes looking for Blitzwing so they can start the surgery, but is unable to find the Triple Changer. In the medical bay, he finds a data pad.

The Autobots are having similar problems. Rodimus asks Ratchet about shutting off the receivers in their heads, but as that would involve Ratchet and brain surgery, he quickly rules it out as a viable option. Blaster, who like Soundwave is mostly unaffected by the transmission, suggests that Rodimus is now unfit to lead, and maybe he should stand aside and let Blaster give the orders, however Rodimus proves himself still capable by threatening Blaster with bodily harm. They realize that Beachcomber is also not being affected by the music, mostly because he's already nuts. After banging his head against a wall a few times, Rodimus sends Blaster and Beachcomber out on new missions.

Soundwave reports to the other Decepticons that Blitzwing has gone. Starscream blames himself for neglecting the needs of one of his men. The Decepticons decide to go into emergency stasis lock while Soundwave searches for Blitzwing. Sephie announces that she, Will, Rick and the professor will take care of the base for them, which Cliffjumper is not particularly enthusiastic about.

Blaster tracks Blitzwing down to Big Steve Ludwig's car yard. Blitzwing is masquerading as a display piece, but when he realizes he's been made, he points out he can do something Blaster can't—fly. He swiftly gets away.

Soundwave follows up a clue that Wyatt's Roadsideaganza has its "Monstroso" exhibit back. Since Soundwave himself was Monstroso, the new one has to be Blitzwing. Soundwave tracks down Wyatt and apologizes for wrecking his park during his original escape. Unfortunately while he's still trying to get an audience with Blitzwing, his target flies off.

Sephie and Rick wonder how they'll be able to defend the base without the Decepticons' help. Sephie receives an email from the mysterious Stormbringer99, but before she can read it, an explosion signals the base coming under attack.

Blitzwing crouches in an alley, pondering where to try hiding next. He's just decided on Canada when a taxi pulls up and Blaster pops out. Blitzwing is mystified as to how Blaster found him, but Blaster reveals that one of the local humans posted his location to Yatter. Soundwave arrives a few moments later, as he's also been alerted to Blitzwing's position by a Yatter-addicted Ravage. Soundwave and Blaster begin fighting, and Blitzwing is just considering stepping in when they're suddenly interrupted by a surprise meteor. It hits in the middle of the street, and when the smoke clears, there stands Special Agent Thunderwing!! He announces he's here to apprehend a dangerous fugitive, but he turns out to mean not Blaster but Soundwave. Blaster takes the opportunity to render Blitzwing unconscious and spirit the Decepticon away. Thunderwing reveals Soundwave's crime—a brief transmission he once accidentally made on a secure military comms channel. Soundwave manages to temporarily wriggle his way out of the arrest by pointing out that his superior officer is currently in stasis, and he can't be arrested without going AWOL, which conflicts with Military Penal Code L-772b.

Meanwhile, Beachcomber invades the Decepticon base, only to be met by a trap involving ball bearings and overloading power cells. The humans celebrate the early victory, but Beachcomber, as it turns out, is still after them.

Blitzwing recovers to find Blaster is preparing to attach a broadcast signal amplifier to him. This will turn the O-Pod's effects into a deadly planet-wide sonic weapon. Blitzwing assumes he means Earth, but Blaster reveals the new Stellar Spanner the Autobots have built. He intends to send Blitzwing to Cybertron to wipe out Optimus Prime and every other Autobot and Decepticon on the planet. Then the Earth-based Autobots will raid the armories of both sides and use the weapons to conquer Earth.

Will and Rick try unsuccessfully to blind Beachcomber with fire extinguishers, and when that doesn't work, hit him with them. The humans then lure Beachcomber into the decontamination chamber and start him on a full cycle.

Soundwave and Thunderwing catch up with Blaster, however the lawman is entirely disinterested in intervening in the conflict between the two communicators. Soundwave attempts to assault Blaster, but the Autobot overpowers him. When Blaster proclaims himself a mastermind, Soundwave scoffs, and manages to goad the Autobot into revealing he once stole thirty kilotons of energon from the Altihex Protoform Rehabilitation Complex. With the crime confessed, Thunderwing suddenly becomes very interested in arresting Blaster, who naturally resists arrest. While the pair fight, Soundwave fixes a signal dampener to Blitzwing and hauls him out of the Stellar Spanner. Blaster jumps into the Spanner, intending to make a getaway to Cybertron, but a tank shell from Blitzwing destroys the Spanner's control panel. Blaster instead lands up on the Moon and, unable to fly, is stuck there.

Beachcomber extracts himself from the decontamination chamber finally, and begins tracking the four humans once more. Instead, he finds a couple of dozen Decepticons, reactivated and pointing weapons at him. He decides on retreat as the best option instead.

Starscream finishes extracting Blitzwing's O-Pod, much to everyone's relief. Sephie reveals that she and Soundwave are working on an external music player for him, but he admits he'd prefer to stick to talk radio for a while. Thunderwing announces it's time for Soundwave's arrest. To avoid being hauled off to Cybertron, Soundwave confesses, and Thunderwing sentences him to five hundred hours community service. As the Decepticon base counts as an outpost, Soundwave is allowed to carry out his sentence on Earth.

On Cybertron, Heatwave transmits a distress signal, and Whisper comes to pick him up. Though Whisper is overjoyed to hear that Starscream's crew is OK, Heatwave is left disturbed by his trip through transwarp.

Featured characters

(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Decepticons	Autobots	Humans	Others
Blitzwing (2) Soundwave (6) Heatwave (7) Starscream (10) Slugslinger (18) Sideswipe (19) Bombshell (20) Thunderwing (27) Whisper (28)	Goldbug (3) Wheeljack (4) Side Burn (5) Rodimus "Prime" (13) Elita-One (15) Swoop (16) Star Saber (17) Brawn (21) Blaster (22) Ratchet (23) Beachcomber (24)	Will (1) Professor Arkeville (9) Sephie (11) Rick (12) Big Steve Ludwig (25) Wyatt (26)	Cliffjumper (8) Teletraan-X (14)

Quotes

"So tell me about Cybertron."
"Why?"
"I've never been there, Blitzwing. Thought it'd be interesting."
"Okay. Imagine a junk yard. Now make it the size of a planet, and set big patches of it on fire. I suppose that's interesting in a horrible sort of way, but there's nothing appealing about it."

—Will finds out from Blitzwing that Cybertron is not a good tourist destination.

"If my examination of Starscream's systems is accurate, unless we can stop the subspace transmission, Blitzwing's signal will eventually cause permanent memory damage... possibly even catastrophic data corruption."
"Whoah, that means-"
"If it's not stopped, this 'rock and roll' assault will rapidly become... death metal."

—Arkeville and Soundwave engage in bad puns.

"Right now, I gots two idiot humans yammerin' 'bout venting exhaust stuck in my head. They will not shut up. An' I can still bend your fenders in a knot an' stick 'em in your reactor linkage! So up your tube with an energon cube! Capiche?!"

—Rodimus lets Blaster know who's the boss.

Beachcomber had survived the decon bath, the optic calibration process, the hallway filled with zero-friction lubricant and three chemical explosions since breaching the outer defenses of the Decepticon base. He had been thrown about, smashed and lit on fire by four puddles of organic waste.
He was not happy.
Now, however, the enemy was out of tricks, and out of places to run.
That made him happy. Insanely happy.

—Beachcomber deals with getting the "Home Alone" treatment from the humans.

Notes

Errors

• Heatwave's feelings of "joy, happiness, compassion, love, and satisfaction" should probably be "joy, peace, compassion, love, and satisfaction" to be a completely accurate reference to Aquarius.
• While Cliffjumper in-character almost calls the Stellar Spanner a space bridge, at one point the narration itself also calls it a "spacebridge".
• Not an error: Soundwave mentions that Astrotrain crashed in the Arctic instead of the Antarctic, but it's Soundwave's mistake, not the story's.

Transformer references

• Crasher is mentioned as being granted honorary Ottoman citizenship after saving President Fakkadi.
• The Decepticons save Blackrock Oil members from the Autobots.
• Soundwave attends a joint Misfits/Cold Slither concert, and the (opposite-themed) lyrics to a few Cold Slither songs from an album Thunder Hammer are included at the back of the story.
• Astrotrain is a shuttle that crash lands in Antarctica.
• As noted in errors, the Stellar Spanner is essentially a redecoed space bridge.
• Jet judo is a martial art done by jets instead of to jets.
• The Stellar Spanner is labeled with Autobot letters.
• One of the Autobots' schemes involves creating drone cars at a "Roll-N-Wash".
• Brawn is a practitioner of Tekkaido.
• Rick's little sister fawns over Brad White, the "dreamy" punk-ass counterpart to some kid.
• Sephie communicates via e-mail with someone who has the username "Stormbringer99".
• Will and Rick try to use on Beachcomber the same fire extinguisher trick they used on Goldbug in "Eye in the Sky". Sadly, it doesn't work nearly as well this time around.
• Soundwave and Blaster's throwdown evokes their Generation 1 counterparts' final battle from The Headmasters episode "The Mystery of Planet Master", including Soundwave's chest being shattered, and Blaster's threat that only Soundwave's head will remain by the time he's done with him.
• Soundwave mentions having gone through primary programming four million stellar cycles ago.
• Thunderwing mentions that one of the criminals he's been chasing is a crime boss named Beta.
• As noted in Errors, when Heatwave gets sent through the Stellar Spanner, part of his trip involves the sensations of joy, happiness, compassion, love, and satisfaction, as well as a rainbow hue, no doubt coinciding with Aquarius activating the recall program that also [[Reunification|summoned the rest of the Nexus Prime gestalt to Cybertron]].
• Blaster on the Moon is a reference to the Transformers episode "Blaster Blues". Or it could be a reference to his heroic counterpart's duel with Grimlock on the moon in the Marvel comics issue "Totaled!"

Real-world references

• The title of the story is a reference to the song "Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones.
• Starscream, at some point before the story begins, fights a super-criminal known as "Arachnolord".
• Congressman Shore is mentioned, a reference to Blackthorn Shore from Inhumanoids.
• Will listens to "The Pale Lines" on his O-Pod.
• Ratchet thinks the lyrics to "Zydrate Anatomy" from Repo! The Genetic Opera are catchy.
• Rodimus complains about being stuck listening to "Jim-Bob and Willy", a reference to obnoxious southern-US morning show deejays John Boy and Billy.
• Rodimus' line, "So up your tube with an energon cube!" is based on Vinnie Barbarino's famous line, "Up your nose with a rubber hose!".
• Beachcomber's dialogue in the story is full of song lyric snippets:
  • "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who
  • "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
  • "Transmaniacon MC" by Blue Öyster Cult
  • "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf
  • "PDA" by Interpol
  • "Fire Poem" by Arthur Brown
  • "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Öyster Cult
  • "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen
  • "Helter Skelter" by The Beatles
  • "Nowhere to Run (Vapor Trail)" by The Crystal Method
  • "One Way or Another" by Blondie
  • "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads
  • "Ace of Spades" by Motörhead
  • "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum
• Aquarius leaves a message for Heatwave to "Keep on Truckin'".
• The Cold Slither album liner notes at the back of the story have a number of references:
  • One of the album's producers is "Synergy Music Ltd.", a reference to Synergy from Jem and the Holograms.
  • Some of the song writer credits reference various members of Cobra: Buzzer and Torch from the Dreadnoks and Destro.
  • The songs "Battle Song of Liberty" and "The Star-Spangled Banner" are on the album.

External links

• Blitzwing Bop PDF at transformersclub.com (no membership required to download)