Blitzwing Bop

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"Blitzwing Bop"
Publisher Fun Publications
First published November 17, 2009
Written by Trent Troop and Greg Sepelak
Illustrations by Chad Porter
Cover Chad Porter
Continuity Shattered Glass
Page count 35pp

Blitzwing inadvertently becomes a musical countdown, and not the kind that sounds like Bluestreak.

Synopsis

The media of Earth are abuzz with news of the arrival of two crews of Cybertronians, the press trying to figure out what to make of the fantastic extraterrestrial visitors, and especially the heroic deeds of the Decepticons. Beyond the planet, a single vessel catches the transmissions and diverts its course towards the blue orb.

Meanwhile on the planet's surface, a young human is speaking with a Decepticon. Making small talk as he works inside Blitzwing, Will satisfies his curiosity by asking the Triple Changer of his homeworld. Blitzwing is less than enthusiastic to relate about his war-torn home, which leaves Will somewhat nonplussed. The human's descriptions of organic life prove far more compelling to the Cybertronian, who is eager to see more. Unfortunately, Will hasn't finished his ministrations on Blitzwing's systems, and thus he holds the Decepticon back a few more moments as he completes the last connections. Closing the casing, Will reveals that he has wired his new friend for sound by integrating an O-Pod into Blitzwing's circuits. The Cybertronian is a bit bewildered by what the organics call "music" and scoffs at the device's meager storage capacity. Will initially tries to convince Blitzwing of the merits of music in promoting higher ideals, but is quickly distracted by the prospect of a ride in the Decepticon's alternate modes. The two of them exit the base to cruise for a bit.

Elsewhere, Goldbug is overseeing a project of his own. Having played off of the mentally erratic scientist Wheeljack's ego, he has convinced his fellow Autobot to construct an ambitious Stellar Spanner with the help of Sideburn. Though Wheeljack is madly certain of the accuracy of his calculations, the probability of error given to Goldbug leaves something to be desired. Suggesting that Sideburn take the first trip (in the name of science), Goldbug's scheming is outmaneuvered by the slippery Autobot's reminder that he will be needed to fix the device in the event of failure, and Sideburn's subsequent suggestion that they send a Scrounge in his stead. This makes Goldbug exceedingly nervous, as he does not wish to alert Rodimus to the Spanner's existence.

During their travels, Will and Blitzwing's discussion of Earth music is interrupted by a sudden spike on the Decepticon's scanners. A major convergence of Autobot technology is lighting up the dials, which is an oddity, considering their habit of masking their signals. Blitzwing plays to type and heads straight for it, but calls for backup at Will's insistence. The Decepticons are thin on the ground in the area due to the task of excavating Astrotrain, but thankfully, Heatwave is inbound.

Taking up positions around the Autobot build site, Will and Blitzwing spot Heatwave already observing the construction. Though the Triple Changer doesn't recognize what is being built, Heatwave quickly identifies its intent and explains to the other two. Grasping the implications of a working Stellar Spanner, Blitzwing decides he doesn't like leaving it up to chance whether Wheeljack will succeed in his project. Heatwave agrees and moves to intervene well before his fellow Decepticon manages to call in the intended backup.




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(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Decepticons Autobots Humans Others

Quotes

"So tell me about Cybertron."
"Why?"
"I've never been there, Blitzwing. Thought it'd be interesting."
"Okay. Imagine a junk yard. Now make it the size of a planet, and set big patches of it on fire. I suppose that's interesting in a horrible sort of way, but there's nothing appealing about it."

—Will finds out from Blitzwing that Cybertron is not a good tourist destination.


"If my examination of Starscream's systems is accurate, unless we can stop the subspace transmission, Blitzwing's signal will eventually cause permanent memory damage... possibly even catastrophic data corruption."
"Whoah, that means-"
"If it's not stopped, this 'rock and roll' assault will rapidly become... death metal."

—Arkeville and Soundwave engage in bad puns.


"Right now, I gots two idiot humans yammerin' 'bout venting exhaust stuck in my head. They will not shut up. An' I can still bend your fenders in a knot an' stick 'em in your reactor linkage! So up your tube with an energon cube! Capiche?!"

—Rodimus lets Blaster know who's the boss.


Beachcomber had survived the decon bath, the optic calibration process, the hallway filled with zero-friction lubricant and three chemical explosions since breaching the outer defenses of the Decepticon base. He had been thrown about, smashed and lit on fire by four puddles of organic waste.
He was not happy.
Now, however, the enemy was out of tricks, and out of places to run.
That made him happy. Insanely happy.

—Beachcomber deals with getting the "Home Alone" treatment from the humans.

Notes

Errors

  • Heatwave's feelings of "joy, happiness, compassion, love, and satisfaction" should probably be "joy, peace, compassion, love, and satisfaction" to be a completely accurate reference to Aquarius.
  • While Cliffjumper in-character almost calls the Stellar Spanner a space bridge, at one point the narration itself also calls it a "spacebridge".
  • Not an error: Soundwave mentions that Astrotrain crashed in the Arctic instead of the Antarctic, but it's Soundwave's mistake, not the story's.[1]

Transformer references

  • Soundwave attends a joint Misfits/Cold Slither concert, and the (opposite-themed) lyrics to a few Cold Slither songs from an album Thunder Hammer are included at the back of the story.
  • As noted in the Errors, the Stellar Spanner is essentially a redecoed space bridge.
  • Jet judo is a martial art done by jets instead of to jets.
  • One of the Autobots' schemes involves creating drone cars at a "Roll-N-Wash".
  • Rick's little sister fawns over Brad White, the "dreamy" punk-ass counterpart to some kid.
  • Sephie communicates via e-mail with someone who has the username "Stormbringer99".
  • Will and Rick try to use on Beachcomber the same fire extinguisher trick they used on Goldbug in "Eye in the Sky". Sadly, it doesn't work nearly as well this time around.
  • Thunderwing mentions that one of the criminals he's been chasing is a crime boss named Beta.
  • As noted in the Errors, when Heatwave gets sent through the Stellar Spanner, part of his trip involves the sensations of joy, happiness, compassion, love, and satisfaction, as well as a rainbow hue, no doubt coinciding with Aquarius activating the recall program that also summoned the rest of the Nexus Prime gestalt to Cybertron.
  • Blaster on the Moon is a reference to the G1 episode "Blaster Blues". Or it could be a reference to his heroic counterpart's duel with Grimlock on the moon in the Marvel comics issue "Totaled!"

Real-world references

  • Starscream, at some point before the story begins, fights a super-criminal known as "Arachnolord".
  • Congressman Shore is mentioned, a reference to Blackthorn Shore from The Inhumanoids.
  • Rodimus complains about being stuck listening to "Jim-Bob and Willy", a reference to obnoxious southern-US morning show deejays John Boy and Billy.
  • Rodimus' line, "So up your tube with an energon cube!" is based on Vinnie Barbarino's famous line, "Up your nose with a rubber hose!".

References

  1. ↑ Trent Troop answers "Shattered Glass"-related questions
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