Human

A typical human.

Humans (also known as: fleshlings, squishies, and "dumb stubbies") are bipedal, usually tiny organic beings found on Earth and like planets. Though quite weak, fragile, and technologically backwards, they have sometimes aided the Autobots and thwarted the Decepticons once the Transformers' age-old war spilled onto the humans' primitive homeworld.

Humans are suspiciously familiar creatures. Though they are made of soft, organic materials, they share remarkable physical similarities with Transformers as a species. Most Transformers and humans walk upright on two long legs attached to a tall body, with two limbs attached at the shoulders. At the shoulders is the head, just like a Transformer's, which sports two eyes in the center at equal distance from the olfactory sensor array, above a mouth which opens for speaking and for ingesting energy. Like Transformers, they are social creatures, who trade and barter wares and develop emotional attachments to peers. Eerily enough, they possess a nearly identical emotional spectrum, ranging from laughter, joy, and satisfaction to depression, anger, and cruelty. It is not uncommon to find Transformers who have even developed strong spiritual bonds with individual creatures. This is disgusting.

The humans of Earth wear hardhats regardless of their profession.

There are some differences, however increasingly fewer as interaction with humans has influenced Transformers culture. A human's organic tissue will begin failing just one quarter into his or her lifespan, and will spend the next three quarters growing ever less efficient until the human's lifeforce can no longer sustain itself. As a result, humans are saddeningly short-lived creatures. (It is not sure how they find the time to accomplish anything, though as a side effect it has made their wars mercifully shorter.) Interestingly, humans do not build new members of their race. To the contrary, humans are what they have deemed "sexually dimorphic," meaning one subvarient of their species will implant structural data in the other. This second subvarient will grow a new human (or occasionally more than one human, although this is rare) inside them like a parasite and release it when it is ready. The new human is very stupid and will take years to acclimate itself to their society. There is apparently much rubbing involved in the creation of the new human. They don't much like to talk about it much further, and several attempts at accumulating further information on the process have been staved off by awkward silence. This is confusing, as humans give all impressions that they supremely enjoy it, and have refused all suggestions that they learn the technology to build their own from spare parts.

Humans come in both Tall and Venti.

Despite their lack of the multi-dimensional transwarp Spark, a great number of humans believe in an analogous concept, the intangible soul. This has been confirmed to be the equivalent of a Transformer's personality program in an odd experiment, when the human Spike Witwicky's personality was uploaded to an empty Transformer body cobbled together from spare parts. The human's consciousness was not suitable for digitization, and quickly deteriorated toward psychosis.

Many also believe in supernatural beings, either singular or plural, who have a direct but intangible stake in their lives. Once a week the more religious humans will gather together and sing songs at the ceiling, as the presumed direction of these beings is away from the gravity well of their planet. Unlike the historical Covenant of Primus, their holy books are not incorruptible encrypted public-key datatracks. Instead, they frequently re-encode the writings of multiple authors in an inefficient and apparently lossy process. Then they fight about which "translation" is correct instead of simply downloading the original encoding algorithm.

Despite having no concrete evidence these beings exist, and despite the records of the Beast Wars affirming their evolution from bipedal primates, the humans continue to assume these premises are true. This seems like a waste of spent attention, especially with such short lifespans, as no credible sources have substantiated that their alleged creator has ever transformed out of their world into a giant humanoid and fought its eternal enemy before their eyes. Many human traditions are puzzling.

The most familiar breed of humans are native to the planet Earth, though they can be found practically anywhere in the galaxy. For example, Nebulos is such a place, though some reports claim these humans are of green texture rather than various shades of beige. Femax is populated by humans of Transformer size. Pz-Zazz is also home to Transformer-sized humans, but it is not known whether they are indigenous to that world. It is possible that the tiny version of humans found on Earth is the exception, rather than the rule.

Trivia

• There are humans called "nerds" which spend their time editing wiki articles about giant robots from space.

External links

• Humans like to write about themselves. This, too, erupts into war.
  
  
  From Teletraan I: The Transformers Wiki, a Wikia wiki.