Blitzwing Bop

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Hey ho, let's go! hey ho, let's go!
"Blitzwing Bop"
Publisher Fun Publications
First published November 17, 2009
Written by Trent Troop and Greg Sepelak
Illustrations by Chad Porter
Cover Chad Porter
Continuity Shattered Glass
Chronology Current era (2009)
Page count 35pp

Blitzwing inadvertently becomes a musical countdown, and not the kind that sounds like Bluestreak.

Synopsis

The media of Earth are abuzz with news of the arrival of two crews of Cybertronians, the press trying to figure out what to make of the fantastic extraterrestrial visitors, and especially the heroic deeds of the Decepticons. Beyond the planet, a single vessel catches the transmissions and diverts its course towards the blue orb.

Meanwhile on the planet's surface, a young human is speaking with a Decepticon. Making small talk as he works inside Blitzwing, Will satisfies his curiosity by asking the Triple Changer of his homeworld. Blitzwing is less than enthusiastic to relate about his war-torn home, which leaves Will somewhat nonplussed. The human's descriptions of organic life prove far more compelling to the Cybertronian, who is eager to see more. Unfortunately, Will hasn't finished his ministrations on Blitzwing's systems, and thus he holds the Decepticon back a few more moments as he completes the last connections. Closing the casing, Will reveals that he has wired his new friend for sound by integrating an O-Pod into Blitzwing's circuits. The Cybertronian is a bit bewildered by what the organics call "music" and scoffs at the device's meager storage capacity. Will initially tries to convince Blitzwing of the merits of music in promoting higher ideals, but is quickly distracted by the prospect of a ride in the Decepticon's alternate modes. The two of them exit the base to cruise for a bit.

Elsewhere, Goldbug is overseeing a project of his own. Having played off of the mentally erratic scientist Wheeljack's ego, he has convinced his fellow Autobot to construct an ambitious stellar spanner with the help of Side Burn. Though Wheeljack is madly certain of the accuracy of his calculations, the probability of error given to Goldbug leaves something to be desired. Suggesting that Side Burn take the first trip (in the name of science), Goldbug's scheming is outmaneuvered by the slippery Autobot's reminder that he will be needed to fix the device in the event of failure, and Side Burn's subsequent suggestion that they send a Scrounge in his stead. This makes Goldbug exceedingly nervous, as he does not wish to alert Rodimus to the Spanner's existence.

During their travels, Will and Blitzwing's discussion of Earth music is interrupted by a sudden spike on the Decepticon's scanners. A major convergence of Autobot technology is lighting up the dials, which is an oddity, considering their habit of masking their signals. Blitzwing plays to type and heads straight for it, but calls for backup at Will's insistence. The Decepticons are thin on the ground in the area due to the task of excavating Astrotrain, but thankfully, Heatwave is inbound.

Taking up positions around the Autobot build site, Will and Blitzwing spot Heatwave already observing the construction. Though the Triple Changer doesn't recognize what is being built, Heatwave quickly identifies its intent and explains to the other two. Grasping the implications of a working stellar spanner, Blitzwing decides he doesn't like leaving it up to chance whether Wheeljack will succeed in his project. Heatwave agrees and moves to intervene well before his fellow Decepticon manages to call in the intended backup.

Heatwave manages to blast Side Burn almost in half with missiles, but Wheeljack and Goldbug overpower him and force him to transform to robot mode before binding him. They place him in the Spanner, though he is still able to give Wheeljack a solid kick, and the scientist's demeanor is not improved when moments later he's punched and thrown to the ground by Blitzwing. Blitzwing follows that up by headbutting Goldbug into unconsciousness and attempting to shut down the Spanner before it activates. He downloads the Spanner's schematics and is about to transmit the cancellation codes when Wheeljack hits him with an electro-shell, having feigned unconsciousness. As Heatwave is sucked into the open Spanner rift, Wheeljack takes a moment to gloat, however just then something clicks on inside Blitzwing and he begins broadcasting Earth music on the Autobot emergency comms frequency. Goldbug and Wheeljack are confused by the noise, as is Side Burn, who despite the horrific damage Goldbug saw him take, is perfectly fine. With the Decepticon reinforcements finally inbound, Goldbug blasts the Spanner and the trio make their escape.

Blitzwing comes around in the medical bay, and tells Soundwave that Heatwave's been shot into space. Blitzwing just wants the music to stop, the O-Pod being stuck on permanently. Starscream explains that their Cybertronian physiology automatically converts foreign technology so it's compatible with their systems. Now Blitzwing's O-Pod will make the perfect non-terminal weapon against the Autobots.

Rodimus Prime is very unhappy that Goldbug has decided to build a Spanner behind his back, pointing out that it would be likely to bring Optimus Prime down on their backs. Unfortunately the AR Chamber is broken, so instead Rodimus places Goldbug on salvage duty with Seaspray. He has another couple of jobs in mind for Elita-One and Blaster.

Elsewhere, Swoop and Star Saber have taken control of a human built tower with a restaurant at the top, which they're using to drill for oil. Swoop assures the humans that they're all safe because he needs them as hostages, though a moment later the tower lurched, and Swoop told the complaining Star Saber to go check the supports. Starscream, Blitzwing and Slugslinger approach the tower and draw out the two Autobots. The pair are thrown into confusion when Blitzwing begins broadcasting, and flee. Starscream and Slugslinger debate whether or not it's a fair weapon, before Blitzwing points out he'd quite like a hand holding the tower up.

Sideswipe, Blitzwing and Bombshell next tackle a Roll-N-Wash station, which the Autobots have set up to convert the cars of unsuspecting humans into drone-cars that do their bidding. While Sideswipe merrily breaks cars, Blitzwing and Bombshell tackle Brawn. Blitzwing distracts the Autobot with his music and Bombshell renders him out-cold with an anestho-shell. This done, Bombshell goes to aid Sideswipe, while Blitzwing pursues Elita-One into the car wash. Though he wrecks the car wash, she manages to get the drop on him, until the song in his head changes and she's unable to concentrate. An explosion from the other two Decepticons results in her speeding away, but as the Decepticons celebrate their victory, they realize that Blitzwing is now broadcasting on the Decepticon frequency too.

Back at base, Starscream is surprised that Soundwave's handling the interference so well, but Professor Arkeville believes it's because he's a communications device and better at filtering such things. Unfortunately, the others aren't so lucky, and Arkeville believes the music will begin to damage their systems unless it can be shut off. Soundwave goes looking for Blitzwing so they can start the surgery, but is unable to find the Triple Changer. In the medical bay, he finds a data pad.

The Autobots are having similar problems. Rodimus asks Ratchet about shutting off the receivers in their heads, but as that would involve Ratchet and brain surgery, he quickly rules it out as a viable option. Blaster, who like Soundwave is mostly unaffected by the transmission, suggests that Rodimus is now unfit to lead, and maybe he should stand aside and let Blaster give the orders, however Rodimus proves himself still capable by threatening Blaster with bodily harm. They realize that Beachcomber is also not being affected by the music, mostly because he's already nuts. After banging his head against a wall a few times, Rodimus sends Blaster and Beachcomber out on new missions.

Soundwave reports to the other Decepticons that Blitzwing has gone. Starscream blames himself for neglecting the needs of one of his men. The Decepticons decide to go into emergency stasis lock while Soundwave searches for Blitzwing. Sephie announces that she, Will, Rick and the professor will take care of the base for them, which Cliffjumper is not particularly enthusiastic about.

Blaster tracks Blitzwing down to Big Steve Ludwig's car yard. Blitzwing is masquerading as a display piece, but when he realizes he's been made, he points out he can do something Blaster can't—fly. He swiftly gets away.

Soundwave follows up a clue that Wyatt's Roadsideaganza has its "Monstroso" exhibit back. Since Soundwave himself was Monstroso, the new one has to be Blitzwing. Soundwave tracks down Wyatt and apologizes for wrecking his park during his original escape. Unfortunately while he's still trying to get an audience with Blitzwing, his target flies off.

Sephie and Rick wonder how they'll be able to defend the base without the Decepticons' help. Sephie receives an email from the mysterious Stormbringer99, but before she can read it, an explosion signals the base coming under attack.

Blitzwing crouches in an alley, pondering where to try hiding next. He's just decided on Canada when a taxi pulls up and Blaster pops out. Blitzwing is mystified as to how Blaster found him, but Blaster reveals that one of the local humans posted his location to Yatter. Soundwave arrives a few moments later, as he's also been alerted to Blitzwing's position by a Yatter-addicted Ravage. Soundwave and Blaster begin fighting, and Blitzwing is just considering stepping in when they're suddenly interrupted by a surprise meteor. It hits in the middle of the street, and when the smoke clears, there stands Special Agent Thunderwing!! He announces he's here to apprehend a dangerous fugitive, but he turns out to mean not Blaster but Soundwave. Blaster takes the opportunity to render Blitzwing unconscious and spirit the Decepticon away. Thunderwing reveals Soundwave's crime—a brief transmission he once accidentally made on a secure military comms channel. Soundwave manages to temporarily wriggle his way out of the arrest by pointing out that his superior officer is currently in stasis, and he can't be arrested without going AWOL, which conflicts with Military Penal Code L-772b.

Meanwhile, Beachcomber invades the Decepticon base, only to be met by a trap involving ball bearings and overloading power cells. The humans celebrate the early victory, but Beachcomber, as it turns out, is still after them.

Blitzwing recovers to find Blaster is preparing to attach a broadcast signal amplifier to him. This will turn the O-Pod's effects into a deadly planet-wide sonic weapon. Blitzwing assumes he means Earth, but Blaster reveals the new stellar spanner the Autobots have built. He intends to send Blitzwing to Cybertron to wipe out Optimus Prime and every other Autobot and Decepticon on the planet. Then the Earth-based Autobots will raid the armories of both sides and use the weapons to conquer Earth.

Will and Rick try unsuccessfully to blind Beachcomber with fire extinguishers, and when that doesn't work, hit him with them. The humans then lure Beachcomber into the decontamination chamber and start him on a full cycle.

Soundwave and Thunderwing catch up with Blaster, however the lawman is entirely disinterested in intervening in the conflict between the two communicators. Soundwave attempts to assault Blaster, but the Autobot overpowers him. When Blaster proclaims himself a mastermind, Soundwave scoffs, and manages to goad the Autobot into revealing he once stole thirty kilotons of energon from the Altihex Protoform Rehabilitation Complex. With the crime confessed, Thunderwing suddenly becomes very interested in arresting Blaster, who naturally resists arrest. While the pair fight, Soundwave fixes a signal dampener to Blitzwing and hauls him out of the stellar spanner. Blaster jumps into the Spanner, intending to make a getaway to Cybertron, but a tank shell from Blitzwing destroys the Spanner's control panel. Blaster instead lands up on the Moon and, unable to fly, is stuck there.

Beachcomber extracts himself from the decontamination chamber finally, and begins tracking the four humans once more. Instead, he finds a couple of dozen Decepticons, reactivated and pointing weapons at him. He decides on retreat as the best option instead.

Starscream finishes extracting Blitzwing's O-Pod, much to everyone's relief. Sephie reveals that she and Soundwave are working on an external music player for him, but he admits he'd prefer to stick to talk radio for a while. Thunderwing announces it's time for Soundwave's arrest. To avoid being hauled off to Cybertron, Soundwave confesses, and Thunderwing sentences him to five hundred hours community service. As the Decepticon base counts as an outpost, Soundwave is allowed to carry out his sentence on Earth.

On Cybertron, Heatwave transmits a distress signal, and Whisper comes to pick him up. Though Whisper is overjoyed to hear that Starscream's crew is OK, Heatwave is left disturbed by his trip through transwarp.

(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Decepticons Autobots Humans Others

Quotes

"So tell me about Cybertron."
"Why?"
"I've never been there, Blitzwing. Thought it'd be interesting."
"Okay. Imagine a junk yard. Now make it the size of a planet, and set big patches of it on fire. I suppose that's interesting in a horrible sort of way, but there's nothing appealing about it."

—Will finds out from Blitzwing that Cybertron is not a good tourist destination.


"If my examination of Starscream's systems is accurate, unless we can stop the subspace transmission, Blitzwing's signal will eventually cause permanent memory damage... possibly even catastrophic data corruption."
"Whoah, that means-"
"If it's not stopped, this 'rock and roll' assault will rapidly become... death metal."

—Arkeville and Soundwave engage in bad puns.


"Right now, I gots two idiot humans yammerin' 'bout venting exhaust stuck in my head. They will not shut up. An' I can still bend your fenders in a knot an' stick 'em in your reactor linkage! So up your tube with an energon cube! Capiche?!"

—Rodimus lets Blaster know who's the boss.


Beachcomber had survived the decon bath, the optic calibration process, the hallway filled with zero-friction lubricant and three chemical explosions since breaching the outer defenses of the Decepticon base. He had been thrown about, smashed and lit on fire by four puddles of organic waste.
He was not happy.
Now, however, the enemy was out of tricks, and out of places to run.
That made him happy. Insanely happy.

—Beachcomber deals with getting the "Home Alone" treatment from the humans.

Notes

Continuity notes

  • Crasher is mentioned as being granted honorary Ottoman citizenship after saving President Fakkadi; President Fakkadi was mentioned in the previous prose story “Eye in the Sky”.
  • Wheeljack notes his exile from the Autobots, established in “Dungeons & Dinobots”.
  • Astrotrain crashed on Earth sometime after the events of “Do Over”.
  • Only one stellar spanner was ever made before the story by the “Old One”; rumors state that before he finished it, Optimus Prime killed him. The “Reunification” storyline outright confirmed him to be Alpha Trion; its likely that Trion actually did finish the spanner, only for Prime to force him into it, sending him to the TransTech Cybertron.
  • Swoop was evidently among those brought to Omega Terminus by Grimlock to be given an ember, as seen in the end of “Dungeons & Dinobots”.
  • Slugslinger first appeared as a nameless cameo in the original “Shattered Glass” comic. Bombshell was mentioned in “Dungeons & Dinobots” and “Do Over”; he appears in-story for the first time here. Ratchet first appeared in “Dungeons & Dinobots”.
  • Wyatt’s Roadsideagazna first appeared in “The Desert Heat!”.
  • Will and Rick try to use on Beachcomber the same fire extinguisher trick they used on Goldbug in "Eye in the Sky". Sadly, it doesn't work nearly as well this time around.
  • As noted in "Errors", when Heatwave gets sent through the stellar spanner, part of his trip involves the sensations of joy, happiness, compassion, love, and satisfaction, as well as a rainbow hue, no doubt coinciding with Aquarius activating the recall program that also summoned the rest of the Nexus Prime gestalt to Cybertron, as reflected in the coinciding club storyline “Reunification”.

Transformer references

  • In general, the entire story is a pastiche of the original Transformers cartoon.
  • As standard, many new characters are introduced, with the Transformers being repurposed from/are virtual redecoes of pre-existing toys.
    • Blitzwing uses his positive-universe counterpart’s body in the colors of Generation 1 Warpath.
    • Elita One is repurposed from Cybertron Override GTS. Her romantic interests lie with Rodimus instead of Optimus, unlike her positive-universe counterpart.
    • Star Saber is repurposed from live-action movie toy Skyblast. Unlike his beloved positive-universe counterpart, everybody hates Star Saber.
    • Bombshell is repurposed from e-HOBBY exclusive Salvo, who is a redeco of Bombshell’s positive-universe counterpart. He has anestho-shells, mirroring his counterpart’s cerebro-shells.
    • Thunderwing is a virtual redeco of Universe Ultra-class Silverbolt, with a new head based on his positive-universe counterpart.
  • One of the broadcasts in the beginning of the story indicates that the Decepticons saved 39 employees of Blackrock Oil; Blackrock Enterprises was a company from the original Marvel Transformers comics owned by the Autobot’s ally, G.B. Blackrock. The Shattered Glass version of Blackrock will show up in the next prose story, Transhuman.
  • Astrotrain landed in Antarctica, homaging how Jetfire landed in the Arctic in Transformers episode Fire in the Sky.
  • As noted in errors, the stellar spanner is near identical to the Transformers cartoon space bridge, being the “ring with three pylons” design rather than the “suspension bridge” design from the Marvel Transformers comics, and opening a hole in the sky instead of existing in two places at once.
  • The stellar spanner is built in a small canyon, like the original space bridge was in “Transport to Oblivion".
  • Blitzwing (a jet) uses some jet judo to take out Wheeljack; the positive-universe jet judo was used by Sideswipe and Sunstreaker in an attempt to take out the Seekers in Transformers episode “Roll for It”.
  • Starscream notes that any non-living metal or plastics introduced to Cybertronian systems is broken down and remade into living technomatter; technomatter is a term introduced in the Beast Machines cartoon as one of the many names for the “living metal” that most Transformers are made of.
  • Slugslinger is obsessed with fair play, unlike his backstabbing positive-universe counterpart.
  • One of the Autobots' schemes involves creating drone cars at a "Roll-N-Wash", referencing the Decepticon’s Wash and Roll from the Marvel Transformers comic issue #31, where they hypnotized the human drives who passed through the carwash.
  • Brawn is a practitioner of Tekkaido, a Cybertronian martial art originally mentioned in BotCon 2001 Arcee’s toy bio.
  • Astrotrain and Blitzwing are friends, in reference to their positive-universe counterparts being the first-ever Triple Changers in Transformers history.
  • The positive-universe Big Steve Ludwig appeared in Marvel’s Transformers comic issue #32; he was a stereotypical dishonest used-cars salesman, unlike Shattered Glass Ludwig, an honest guy who sells new cars.
  • Rick's little sister fawns over Brad White, the "dreamy" punk-ass counterpart to Rad White, one of the Autobot’s human allies from the Armada series.
  • Sephie communicates via e-mail with someone who has the username "Stormbringer99”; it may seem to be Thunderwing, due to his positive-universe counterpart being the main bad guy of the IDW Stormbringer mini-series, but “Transhuman” would reveal him to be someone else entirely…
  • Thunerwing is a member of the Cybertron Elite Guard, a group who originate from the Animated cartoon. The Elite Guard that Thunderwing belongs is a pre-war organization; the modern Elite Guard is composed entirely of Autobots as seen in Shattered Glass Thunderclash’s toy bio.
  • Thunderwing mentions that one of the criminals he's been chasing is a crime boss named Beta; Beta’s positive-universe counterpart was a freedom fighter who appeared in Transformers episode “ Forever Is a Long Time Coming”.
  • Soundwave mentions having gone through primary programming (an education system mentioned in the Cybertron cartoon) four million stellar cycles ago.
  • Thunderwing orders Soundwave to return to “atmospheric entry mode”; referring to the “asteroid” alt-modes used by the base protoform bodies in the live action movies.
  • Blaster refers to the destruction Blitzwing will unleash to the popping of “Insecticons on a hot engine block!”
  • Soundwave and Blaster's throwdown evokes their positive-universe counterparts' final battle from The Headmasters episode "The Mystery of Planet Master", including Soundwave's chest being shattered, and Blaster's threat that only Soundwave's head will remain by the time he's done with him.
  • Soundwave tells Blaster his hiding spot couldn’t have been more obvious if they had carved it into an Autobot faction symbol; the positive-universe counterparts of the Decepticons had a base just like this in Transformers episode “Enter the Nightbird”.
  • Altihex is a city introduced in the Dreamwave War Within mini-series.
  • Blaster on the Moon is a reference to the Transformers episode "Blaster Blues".
  • The Decepticon lettering on the box that Ravage lays his head on reads “FRAGILE”

Real-world references

  • The title of the story is a reference to the song "Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones.
  • The broadcasts on at the beginning of the story indicate that Starscream, at some point before the story begins, fights a super-criminal known as "Arachnolord", a Shattered Glass version of the Marvel Comics superhero Spider-Man. Spider-Man memorably teamed up with Gears in issue #3 of the Marvel Transformers comic.
  • Another broadcast talks about how a Congressman Shore reassured American citizens that the Transformers are unconnected to the subterranean monsters from the late 80s. Shore’s counterpart, Blackthorne Shore, was the main human villain of the Inhumanoids cartoon, and the subterrestrial monsters are the titular characters from the show.
  • The broadcast that draws Thunderwing to Earth is about Soundwave (having been knighted recently) appearing at a joint Cold Slither/Misfits concerts in Dublin (the bands were mentioned in “Eye in the Sky” and are from G.I. Joe and Jem and the Holograms, respectively).
  • Lyrics for an inverted version of Cold Slither’s titular song appear both in story and in the liner notes on the final page (see below for more information). Notably, the lyrics indicate the United States Constitution has been altered or outright discarded at some point.
  • Will listens to "The Pale Lines” on his O-Pod, a Shattered Glass version of rock duo “The White Stripes".
  • The stellar spanner is labeled with Autobot letters, which translates to “CWP274,” the initials of artist’s Chad Porter’s full name and last three letters of his Yahoo e-mail username.
  • Arkeville notes that humans can use sterile coral to make new bones; while this may seem like a weird mirror-universe deal, it’s theoretically possible.
  • Ratchet thinks the lyrics to "Zydrate Anatomy" from cult comedy horror film Repo! The Genetic Opera are catchy.
  • Rodimus complains about being stuck listening to "Jim-Bob and Willy", a reference to obnoxious southern-US morning show deejays John Boy and Billy.
  • Rodimus threatens to blast someone with a phazon charge if they don’t stop the signal; phazon is a substance from the Metroid franchise.
  • Rodimus' line, "So up your tube with an energon cube!" is based on Vinnie Barbarino's famous line, "Up your nose with a rubber hose!". Barbarino’s been the main inspiration for Rodimus’ speech patters in the Sepelak and Troop-written Shattered Glass stories.
  • Beachcomber's dialogue in the story is full of song lyric snippets:
  • Pikapikaninja (the Yatter user who posted that Blitzwing was hiding in an alley) is likely named for the Pokémon character Pikachu.
  • Thunderwing’s personality is based on Joe Friday from Dragnet.
  • Blaster uses weaponized versions of Mozart’s music against Soundwave.
  • Aquarius leaves a message for Heatwave to "Keep on Truckin'".
  • The Cold Slither album liner notes for “Thunder Hammer” (noted by Will early on in the story as his favorite of Cold Slither’s albums) at the back of the story have a number of references:
    • One of the album's producers is "Synergy Music Ltd.", a reference to the supercomputer Synergy from Jem and the Holograms.
    • Some of the song writer credits reference various members of Cobra: Buzzer and Torch from the Dreadnoks and Destro, using their last names of Blinken-Smythe, Wilken, and McCullan. Other writers credited are Yellen (Jack Yellen, writer of the “Battle Song of Liberty”), Bigelow (FE Bigelow, writer of “Our Director”, the music to which the Battle Song of Liberty is set), and Key (Francis Scott Key, writer of the poem that would be used as the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner”).
    • The songs "The Battle Song of Liberty" and "The Star-Spangled Banner" are on the album.

Errors

  • Heatwave's feelings of "joy, serenity, compassion, love, and satisfaction" should probably be "joy, peace, compassion, love, and satisfaction" to be a completely accurate reference to Aquarius.
  • While Cliffjumper in-character almost calls the stellar spanner a space bridge, at one point the narration itself also calls it a "spacebridge".
  • Not an error: Soundwave mentions that Astrotrain crashed in the Arctic instead of the Antarctic, but it's Soundwave's mistake, not the story's.[1]

References

  1. ↑ Trent Troop answers "Shattered Glass"-related questions
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