FREE! Blaster!

Guns are COOL, kids!

Hey, kids! Buy this comic and you'll get a FREE! BLASTER GUN!

Yes, we can't take it for granted that you'll buy a comic just because the Transformers are in it - we need to bribe you! And what better way than promising the opportunity to run around killing and destroying things?

Range of blasters

A wide range of blasters have been produced by Titan:

• Neutron Blaster - a two-part device with four discs. Press the two parts together and the disc is launched! Based on the name, we presume the discs are like miniature neutron bombs, killing all life but leaving everything else intact.

• Tactical Target Shooter - launched a small, ball-like object. Came with target-practice figures, allowing the Transfan gangs to practice their shooting.

• Missile Blaster - hand-held, allowing youths to carry bunker-busting firepower in their pockets, something no authority would expect. Came with only two missiles, making this a short-lived weapon.

• Blade Shooter - while physically similar to the Neutron Blaster, the discs it fires are bladed objects rather than explosive ones. Titan encourages everyone who owns one to "shoot em up".

• Robot Blaster - another disc-based weapon, this one designed for robots specifically; we presume it delivers some form of electrical attack when fired. Titan's gangs now have a tactical advantage against both Autobot and Decepticon...

• Rotor Blaze Battle Launcher - a human-sized replica of Rotor Force weaponry. Cybertron-level firepower is now in gang hands; how did Titan get this?

• Disc Accelerator - another disc launcher, this time based around high-velocity kinetic force.

• Second Missile Blaster - rearming the gangs after the first was used up.

• Desktop Disk Launcher - another disc weapon, presumed to be used defensively when sitting at a desk. A devastating way of escaping a sudden police raid!

• Missile Launcher - a one-shot rocket weapon, triggered by hand to fire off a missile. Devastate and then dispose of the evidence!

Tens of thousands of fanatical children have now been militarised by Titan, in the most insidious act of child soldiery since the S.T.A.R.S..