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| : I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
| | Le Horla me regarde. |
| : I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
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| : I know the kings of England, and I quote the facts historical
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| : From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
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| : I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
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| : I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
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| : About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
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| : With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
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| : I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
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| : I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
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| : In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
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| : I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
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| : I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
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| : I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
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| : I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
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| : In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
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| : I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
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| : I know the croaking chorus from ''The Frogs'' of Aristophanes!
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| : Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
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| : And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense ''Pinafore''.
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| : Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
| | Toujours. |
| : And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
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| : In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
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| : I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
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| : In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
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| : When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
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| : When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
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| : And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
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| : When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
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| : When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
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| : In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
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| : You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.
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| : For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
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| : Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
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| : But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
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| : I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
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